I’ll be honest and vulnerable with you right now…I don’t know what to write. I felt like I initially wanted to document my cancer journey, not to have you feel sorry for me, but to encourage and share the journey for those in said condition. I’m having a hard time really wanting to do that and knowing how to do that. I really don’t think people want to hear about my cancer. I could be wrong and maybe they do, but I’m struggling with it right now.
I think I would rather just write about what I feel, rather than try to put something together that will make sense to people. Some of this journey, as short as it’s been so far, has not been very pretty. So, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll just share from my heart, maybe emotions…haha.
I have gone through my very first infusion, which took about 3 hours and then the days following was absolutely miserable with side effects, of which I will not go into. The waves of exhaustion are somewhat irritating. It seems like the simple task of washing the breakfast dishes can leave me feeling extremely tired, like I have to lay down NOW. Different things like that make the day challenging. I’m supposed to avoid crowds, going to the store, or dining out which can be a challenge because I like doing those things. But, my immune system is being attacked right now and being out in the midst of a lot of germs isn’t going to help me.
So with all the adjusting I have needed to make the last couple weeks, it has left me more reliant on others and making sure I’m comfortable. This comes hard for me, because I’m usually the one making sure everyone else is comfortable and I’m the one relied on. Life has a way of bringing adjustment to us whether we like it or not. The last day of my chemo is September 29th, which seems like a long way off, but that’s really only the half way point of my journey. So, I will adjust the best I can until I am done with this entire cancer phase of my life.
So, what do I do? Well, I am daily doing a meditation practice, alongside my husband, thank God for him. I’m trying to get a small walk in everyday, resting a lot, reading and trying to eat healthy. Doing the meditation kind of puts my day into focus, or starts it from a peaceful, restful and aware space. The more aware I am of how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking can result in how I deal with this cancer. Being balanced in my body, heart and mind is going to help me carry this and to walk through it, no matter how ugly it gets.
Even if your life is consumed with work, family, or other things, I would encourage you to find some kind of meditative practice that will enhance your daily life and bring balance in an unbalanced world. It will help when we are confronted with our daily circumstances, it will help lessen the blow of traumatic news or events, it can help us navigate life without our ego leading the way, and walk the journey to wholeness and living a life from true essence.
In the midst of all this, let me just say that my heart is heavy today for the families of the senseless Uvalde, TX tragedy and is still with the people of Ukraine. May this all end soon! I will continue to pray for peace all over the world and that someday, as a society, we would see ourselves differently than we do today.
Live Everyday With Intention!
Freely Authentic 