If you look up the word forgiveness in Google, you will find there are many varied definitions. There are too many to go into. My definition of forgiveness is: Releasing your self from someone else’s offense that brought you into their personal emotional and spiritual captivity.
What did Jesus say as he was dying on the cross? He told God to forgive them because they didn’t know what they’re doing. When the disciples were questioning how many times they were supposed to forgive someone, Jesus told them to forgive 70 x 7 times. In other words he meant, endless times. Our tendency is to forgive once and then never again – even if that one time is forgiveness.
When someone hurts us, usually our own personal defenses are what come to the surface. We instantly want to protect ourselves. We tend to want to start criticizing that person for what they did to offend us. When we are in this place it becomes fertile ground for bitterness, anger, and resentment to begin to grow in us. Before we know it, we are carrying all these feelings and emotions inside resulting in a refusal to forgive that person. We eventually feel like we are justified having the feelings we do.
The questions we need to be asking ourselves are: Why do I feel this way? What am I trying to protect in me that keeps me from forgiving this person? Who am I to hold this action over one’s head for the rest of their lives? Why do I feel justified to do this? Why does this un-forgiveness in me want to drive me into a downward spiral of bitterness and anger (which may be where the person who offended me is)? Do I love me? Do I love this person that hurt me?
If we can identify the ‘why’, then we can understand what keeps us from forgiving them. Do we love and care about ourselves enough to say, ‘listen, I love myself enough to understand that it is doing me zero good to carry this around’. If we love ourselves that much, then we are able to love the offender that much.
Forgiveness doesn’t just release you, but also releases them. You are releasing yourself from the hurt that you felt, and you are releasing them from the action they did to hurt you. If we cannot forgive, then we have become like the offender. Refusing to forgive someone is not love. Love says, I can release you from the hurt you have subjected me to. When we forgive, it tells that person that they are worth the opportunity to change. Forgiveness is NOT justifying the actions of the offender, but it is releasing them from the grip it has on you.
I am a firm believer that God is not sitting on a big chair just waiting to hit me over the head with a hammer because of all my wrongs. God is love! That is the only way I can simply define God for me. If I have been made in His image, then it is my endeavor to come into His likeness. I believe if God can forgive those who killed Him, then I can certainly forgive someone that offended me. I can love that person because I love myself.
Warmly,
Veronica
P.S. I would love to hear from you! Do you struggle with forgiveness? Do you struggle with loving yourself? Throw some thoughts my way on what some of the daily challenges are that you face. Comment below or email me at freelyauthentic@gmail.com
Freely Authentic 